Human Resources Q & A
By Kathline Holmes, CHRP, founder of Gailforce Resources
January 9, 2012
The question:
One of my goals this year is to improve my communication skills. Do you have any tips to help me with this?
Kathline's response:
One of the biggest differences between good communicators and poor communicators is the ability to listen.
Most of us have experienced a situation when we felt we were not being listened to. It often leaves us feeling unimportant, devalued, frustrated and even angry. The result is a breakdown in communication that may stop the information sharing process all together.
Effective listening involves listening with the heart and head to the message being conveyed. With our busy days it can be easy to tune out the important nuances that are transmitted in a conversation. These nuances give important clues to the real messages behind the words and get at the heart of the situation. When we understand the underlying subtleties, we are better prepared to engage in meaningful and fruitful conversation and reach results that are mutually beneficial.
I hope the following tips will help improve your listening skills and enable improved communication:
1. Make the time to listen. If the moment at hand does not allow for your full attention, let the person know that you would like to give your undivided attention to the conversation and suggest a better time when you can close the door and your mind to any other distractions. Think about the last time someone really took the time to listen to what you were saying, when someone was focused solely on you and what you were saying. Did it make you feel important, valued, worthy?
2. Leave your assumptions at the door. Do not assume that you know the purpose behind the communication. Ask what the person would like to see accomplished or achieved. Consider how you felt when someone made a wrong assumption about a message you were trying to convey.
3. Remember, it is not all about you. When someone is expressing his or her opinion or point of view, listen without interrupting or interjecting with a story about your own experience. There is a time and place for sharing your experience, but first listen to what the other person is saying — completely. Clarify your perception and ask if the person would like to hear about your experience. Often, the communication door will slam shut if you interject with your experiences too soon. Do you know someone who is continually shifting the conversation to focus on themselves? How does that make you feel? Can you hold a meaningful conversation when that happens?
4. Avoid superfluous phrases. Phrases and comments such as "good stuff" "right on" or "that’s too bad" indicate that you are not really listening or valuing what the other person has to say. Often people do this when their head is not in the conversation. Has this happened to you? How does it impact the conversation?
5. Pay attention to what the person is thinking. Clarify your perception of the persons thoughts with statements like "what I am hearing is that you think..."
6. Pay attention to the feelings being conveyed. Feelings may be expressed through tone of voice, facial expression, body language or direct verbal expression. Clarify your perception of the persons feeling by responding with "I sense you are feeling..."
7. Listen to the person's words and watch for non-verbal messages that match or contradict the words that are shared. Clarify your understanding about any contradictory messages: "I hear you saying you are not angry about the situation, the change in your tone of voice suggests to me that you may have strong feelings about the situation, what more can you tell me?"
These are just a few listening tips that, when practiced and applied, will help you listen more effectively to the people around you and help you convey the message that the opinions, thoughts, feelings and experiences of others are important to you and that you value your relationships.
By practicing these listening skills, more meaningful interactions with others will start to take place and will support your improved communication skills.
Do you have any tips for better communication? Join the discussion on Facebook.
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For more information about workforce planning, assistance with your workforce planning needs or to attend our upcoming webinar on this topic, please visit www.gailforceresources.com or email: info@gailforceresources.com.
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